Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Decoder Ring

"How's everybody doing?! Are you ready for a show tonight??"

Dozens of screaming fans in the audience clap enthusiastically, while thousands more at home are on the edge of their seats, eagerly anticipating the return of their favorite speaker. At the same time, some in the 'studio' audience jeer at the orator. Others at home stare angrily at the television, crack open a cold beer, and reach for some Tylenol. For them, this is like nails on a chalkboard, but they listen anyway.

What did I just describe? American Idol? So You Think You Can Dance? Nope. Not even close. I'm talking about the State of the Union Address. Tonight at 9pm, President Obama will address Congress, the American people, and the world. His message, however, will be different than in previous speeches. You see, Obama and his handlers realize that his popularity is slipping, so they are going to try to take a 'populist' stance. There will be talk of more bank regulations, he'll probably be upset about the Supreme Court's upholding of the 1st Amendment, and he's going to offer TAX BREAKS TO THE "SANDWICH GENERATION"! Wait, what?

First, let me explain a few things... Like the word "populist". It means that you are in tune, sympathetic even, with the wants of the people. Don't let him fool you with this claim. He and his ilk care about power, fame, and money, not what the people want. Bank regulations, while innocent enough on the outside (an effort to keep banks from making risky investments), are just yet another power grab. The Supreme Court's decision to remove limits on corporate election spending will be met with charges of 'special interest groups' and 'big businesses', when Obama himself meets with lobbyists from these same special interest groups and big businesses on a regular basis, contrary to how he promised he would run his administration on the campaign trail. And the tax breaks? We've heard that line before... Keep in mind the $250 billion in savings (over the next 10 years) that he will tout is only a 3% reduction in the budget. This is like you spending $97 instead of $100, and then telling your significant other how much you saved! Are we really that gullible?

Lucky for me a friend sent me a way to handle tonight's speech, without too much thinking. Because I'm such a nice guy, I'll pass it on to you too. Just DON'T LOSE IT! These things are a hot commodity, speculators have already driven the price through the roof to near-bubble levels!

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