Saturday, January 9, 2010

Heat of the Night

It looks like we're in for some chilly weather, the forecast for Central Florida this weekend calls for highs in the 30's and 40's with lows in the high 20's! Not to mention all the rain, which they say will turn into snow flurries and sleet overnight and into the morning. Snow in Florida? And Al Gore says the science behind Global Warming (er, Climate Change, it's not getting any warmer) is settled. Really Al? How stupid do you think we are? First, we're all going to burn up because of Global Warming. Then, when they realized the world is actually cooling, they change the name to Climate Change, hoping we won't notice their massive screw-up. What a joke, anyone with half a brain and a splash of common sense can see through their foolish ruse. "You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time."

OK, enough of that. Since I'm sure you'll be spending some time indoors this weekend I'm going to hook you up with some good ol'-fashioned BLONDE JOKES!! *Disclaimer: I LOVE blondes, of course not as much as gingers (another topic for another post), and none of this is meant as an insult in any way. So sit back with your hot cocoa by the fire and have a few laughs on me. No laughing AT me, though... That's against the rules! ;)

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking. One blonde asks the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and replies, "Hellooooo, can you see Florida??"

A blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. t-shirt.
"Why are you wearing a 'Thank God It's Friday' shirt on Monday?"
"Oh, crap!" the blonde says, "I didn't realize it was a religious t-shirt. I thought it meant 'Tits Go In Front'."

A blonde pushes her BMW into a has station. She tels the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "So what's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely to see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

A blonde goes out for a walk in the woods. After walking for a while she comes to a river, where she sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde takes a long look up the river, and then down the river. After a minute she shouts back, "You ARE on the other side!"

A gorgeous young redhead goes to the doctor's office complaining that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor, "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed. Likewise, she touched her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said, "Your finger is broken."

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his 20 flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled, "PULL OVER!!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a few seconds and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
The blonde replied, "We're not stupid, ya know... We're going at night!"

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had aquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and the other was named Timex. Her friend asked, "Who ever heard of someone naming their dogs like that?"
"Hellooooo....." answered the blonde, "They're watch dogs!!"

Hope you enjoyed those, I know I did! Stay warm and have a great weekend!

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