Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Me being me

I promise I will not talk about politics or current events at all in this post. Unless something slips, and then just know it was unintentional. I'm taking a break from ranting, and instead focusing on storytelling for a bit. I feel that this will be more benefitial to all 4.75 people who regularly read my blog, according to a recent Shmogbee Poll survey. The only thing I really find disturbing about these poll results is that, somewhere out there is 75% of a person. How the heck does THAT happen?!
Now, I'm honored that "Three Quarters" is out there somewhere, intently hanging off my every word. However, until now I had no idea he was there! So after much thought and careful focus group polling, I have decided to cater more to Three Quarters, or TQ as I will refer to him in the future, in an effort to make him feel more like one of us "wholers". If you have a problem with this new strategy, take it up with my agent. Yes, I do have an agent. And she may or may not be my mother. I'm trying to maintain my plausible deniability here, incase of any future legal trouble, as per the advice of said agent, who from here on out shall be known as Secret Agent, because no one really knows... for sure.
Recently, my life has been going fairly well. Probably a bit better than TQ's, but that's why I'm here, to prove myself wrong and make TQ feel like he can muster up that extra 25%. This is all for you buddy! And don't you forget it...
You see, things in my hometown are pretty slow, and up until recently I thought I'd just ride it out. While I was lazilly perusing the web the other day I stumbled upon an ad that would change my life forever. I knew this, because it literally said, "This ad WILL change your life FOREVER". So I made the call. I find out Thursday whether or not ads can be trusted.
AND THEN there was this girl. She's cute, seems pretty cool, ya know, my kinda girl, right? As in, I could totally see myself making this work. Silly me, I always forget how much women and guinea pigs have in common. (DON'T SHOOT ME YET!!! Wait 'til you read this one...) You see guinea pigs like to make cute little noises, almost like they're talking to you, except you can't understand them. This is the first similarity. They also like to be touched, given attention, and enjoy little 'gifts', like food and toys. That is, until they flip out and run away because all the things they like are just soooo much fun they can't take it anymore. This is the kind of logic that keeps me up at night. It's also the kind of logic that keeps me single. I can't quite figure out why...
Anyways, TQ, I do have a point to this story, or at least I did a minute ago... Where'd - OH! - Here it is! I have a feeling there are some drastic changes about to happen in my life. I'm hoping these are good changes, but in today's world you just never really know anymore. In the past few days I've felt everything from 'Oh my God my world is going to come crashing down' to 'FINALLY! Everything is coming together EXACTLY how it should!'. Then I wake up to the real world, late for work again. And since Secret Agent is sick, it can be a bit difficult, not to mention expensive, to get her world-class advice.
In all seriousness: 10 years of learning, struggling, adapting, growing and settling could all be gone in the blink of an eye. 2 years of soul searching, self discovery, and learning could finally pay off. Or I could be here a week from now, with everything the same as it has been. I'm really ready for the next step, whatever it ends up being.

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